What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 29.06.2025 10:04
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
How to Watch Tonight's NBA Finals Indiana Pacers vs. Oklahoma City Thunder Game 1 for Free - CNET
I know ,a lot about trauma.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Teens like me, what are your expectations when entering adulthood?
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I write beautiful poetry .
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Have you ever seen a woman having sex with a dog?
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Why do people have polyamorous relationships?
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Australia vs South Africa: Proteas win World Test Championship final at Lord's - BBC
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Billionaire YouTuber MrBeast ‘borrowing’ money from mom for his wedding - New York Post
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Put me off passion for life!!
All New GTA Online Vehicles In Money Fronts Update And Prices Revealed - RockstarINTEL
Was to survive, this bastard.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Why did VP Vance decide to humiliate the President of Ukraine on national TV?
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
He resisted the act ,that day.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Protein bars may not have the health benefits that you think, study finds - AOL.com
When she asked me how she looked .
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
What are some uses for cucumbers other than eating them plain or in salads?
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
As i do to all so called friends.?
I was seconnd youngest,
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I was very sick at this time too.
What did i know ?
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
She was in good health!
I don,t even have a pension.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I have no regrets .
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Comes on , in middle age.
My life is so biszare .
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
And i lived it daily.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Why did i forgive my father ?
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Especially a lifetime of it.
I will be 64.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
He knew the spot.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I think the readers, may guess!
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Ive learnt so much.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I was 9 years of age.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I could never make a relationship work though!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
This is soul school!.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
All the time i was locked up.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
She wouldn,t have been !
I never cut or harmed myself..
But ive been too sick for many years..
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I waited trembling.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
My family never makes their pension either.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
She loved him until the end.
I couldn’t, believe it.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
One cannot live in the past .
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Im still living with it.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
She found it foreign!.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
But, we were locked up after school.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
It was going to be , some day.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I said to her
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
But it wasn’t much.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
We were not on the streets..
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Would this be the day?
Who then, do I blame.?
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
We all went to grammer schools
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
She married twice! .
So, i spoilt her more .
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I had hoped to write a book about this .
So whats the point in blame.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I was scared of men, in general
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.